Betrayal: Which of the two scenarios would hurt more...

I've been thinking of what to add to my blog today. And this is one of those things I tend to ask myself.

Example, you're a married person. And you've been married for 8 years or longer. You and your husband (or wife) are all lovey-dovey for the first couple of years. However since passion does not tend to linger that long and responsibilities with the kids became a full time position, you eventually stop having time for each other. Although you still do family things together, it wasn't like it used to be...

You've noticed that he/she has grown a little distant from you (Definitely, one of the signs of a failing marriage.) . Getting home late from work, keeping her/his phone away from your prying eyes (saying that you should respect each other's privacy) and staying away from your loving hugs and embraces combined with subtle excuses such as "I'M really tired/ busy/ stressed." or "NOT feeling good/ in the mood/ into it right now" (Highlight the best answer from the choices). - those lines are 90% infidelity implications!!!

To cut to the chase, you felt something was going on and decided to INVESTIGATE what was currently keeping your spouse busy- discovering that he/she was having an affair for a couple of months already.

Now my question is, which would hurt more:

a) He/ She having an affair with a friend of yours (perhaps a family friend/ a relative of yours/ your best friend or worst a sister/brother) or;

b) He/She having an affair with a person he/she met in a bar or strip club that grew into a relationship of constant communication, tender affection and blazing passion.

A typical answer would be, DEFINITELY A- a classic case of betrayal. Why wouldn't your heart be broken upon knowing you were betrayed by two people who you loved and trusted? It's even more painful if the person you talked to about your problems and marriage failures was the one your partner had an affair with.

On the contrary (in a sick and twisted sense), B is a pride crusher. What dignity is left to learn of your spouse's desperation for temporary earthly satisfactions given by someone he/she used to compensate (need not be monetary at all. It could be a house, a deal, a promise of security, financial /personal aid or the poor man's bribe- I'm willing to leave my family to be with you.)?

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A Day (DATE!!!) Gone Bad

So here's the thing... I'm currently an unemployed stay-at-home person because I resigned from my previous job. I must've been crazy to resign from such a good company. But that's how my life goes.

Since I don't work, I just stay at home and WALLOW- trying to figure out my next move. I see my boyfriend less than twice a week and there are even times that we don't see each other at all. Last Sunday, we had planned for him to visit me at home so that we could spend time together. But today, he called me saying that he was arriving late since he had an oral defense. I said it was okay (It was ever so obvious that this was more important.). But of course, I had already worn my usual "let's date" outfit. (I don't think he figured that out.)

Anyway, I was really hoping that we could talk or go out. When he arrived though, he was quite tired and to add to his fatigue, I talked to him about something he had no interest on. The gentleman that he is, he tried to listen with a little zest but to no success. He called it "Information Overload".

I try to share his affinites but I end up talking about the past things I did with my ex (OUCH!). I even showed him an essay which was supposedly to kept from him. But he said that talking about the things I write is more interesting. (APPARENTLY NOT!)

To cut things short, he got so tired that I knew it was time to throw in the towels. Stress has defeated the girlfriend's charm. So I told him to go sleep on the couch (AND HE DID). But I really wished (SO HARD!) that he would stay awake since we only had a limited period of time together (BUT HE DIDN'T). I got really mad and sad at the same time. And before he left, I told him how I felt.

My point is I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I was immature or if I had done the right thing. All I know is I should've expressed how much I miss him more (AND THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT!). What should've I felt?

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OUTCOME: The Santan's Success Story (3/8/2006)

Storms come and go. They destroy almost everything weak and helpless along their way. They are like obstacles hindering the growth of plants and animals. With all these deaths in the world, one should be sad. Yet, life is full of storms coming and leaving. As the law of survival says, survival of the fittest. Those who are weak die but those who survive grow stronger, more beautiful and more adaptable to the remaining trials that they will encounter.

Santan plants have been used to beautify gates, fences and gardens. They are cut, flooded and even exposed to heavy typhoons. In spite of that, they grow back and continue to strive. The outcome of which are the beautiful buds that grow in clusters. With the trials to come, remember the santan plant.

note: This image was taken from flickr.com.

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FLEXIBILITY: A Tribute to Imperfection (3/8/2006)

Nobody is perfect. The world isn’t a perfect sphere. The sun cannot perfectly rise at the same moment each day. But the Lord is smart. For in imperfections do we see joy and happiness. What is a world without the definition of success? What is a world,without serendipity and technological advances? What is a love without problems to strengthen the relationship? That is why imperfections exist.

Without imperfections, life would be boring. Though we strive to have perfect lives, we know it would never be like that. Reason why one must be flexible to survive.

(As an engineer) Flexibility can be compared to elasticity. Garters do a good job of demonstrating how it springs back as if nothing happened after it was stretched. Like garters, we experience tensions in forms of setbacks, and we retract to cope.

To minimize damage, people have learned the essence of ‘plan Bs’. In a power plant, plan B is called a contingency plan. In a person’s life, it is called a ‘back-up’. There is no exact science in how people plan their back-up. But if ever someone asks you what you'd do incase all else fails, there's a perfect answer for that, which is to to get up again and start all over.

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DISCIPLINE : The Parent's Rule/Role (3/8/2006)

Change is something inevitable. Aging and maturity, as well, so let us embrace these alterations but remember the limitations that were taught to us by our parents. For sure they would never jeopardize us, so even with one’s own set of disciplinary codes, a parent’s word is always a parent’s word.

I have my own set of rules - some I picked up from experience while others I learned from my friends and family- but for me, Nanay’s word is also rule. I know my mom loves me so she would never ask me to do anything harmful to others and myself. That is why I respect her and I would be proud to share to my future children the discipline she has bestowed upon me.

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MOTIVATION: Food for a Purpose (poem)

What is a motivator?

It is something, which ‘turns you on’. It is the drive to obtain what one desires. For others, it may be just for the love of the game or to prove one self’s worth. Otherwise, in dire moments of our existence, it may be the urge to live and love. My motivation? Still speculating to what it may be? Here’s a poem to make you see.

(Please bear with me folks. I wrote this when I was 20 (3/8/2006). Back then, I was so addicted to frappucinos.)

To you, I give my loyalty
To which I treat like royalty
You’re one of my priorities
Yet you exist just to please

You tempt me with coffee and whip cream
With chocolate chips, it’s likely a dream
Driving me with each frappe
Caffeine combined with chocolate frothé

You make smile with each sweet taste
With salty tears I used to waste
Ice cream shakes or healthy corn flakes
Don’t like sweets? Choose juicy steaks

This is the end of my ordeal
‘Til here, I say, I need to stop
This feeling in me is definitely real
I think I need another meal

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Depression Education

I’m a 23 year-old female experiencing non-permanent, weather and event independent depression. What is there to say? Right now, I’m feeling it again.

Have you ever felt that your world is crumbling in front of you because you’re a failure? Or experienced not wanting to get out of the bed upon waking up because it seems that room is closing in? What about feeling that everybody’s looking at you, criticizing your every move? Without you knowing the answer, that is qualified as unexplained depression.

It’s hard for me to explain what this feeling is. I just know I have to press the keys of the keyboard for me to at least reduce the heavy weight pinning my breathing lungs and crushing my blood-pumping heart.

I’m sure a lot of people are saying that I’m not normal (Indeed, I’m not!) and that I should learn to deal with it. But hell, how can you cope with something you don’t exactly understand? It drives me crazy when someone close advises me to breathe in and out, relax, and take it one step at a time. It just wants me to cry and scream, “You’re not helping at all!!!

Now, what? I guess I just wanted to let that out. A word of advice for those who are attempting to help depressed people: if you haven’t experienced genuine depression, there is nothing you can say to make them feel better. And please stop talking about us being able to successfully overcome depression without some decent guidance.

Never compare us to you. You may have conquered heavy obstacles in your lives but this is different. The problem exists within us and our principles and mindsets are not capable of helping us- no matter how strong or intelligent we are. You’ll just have to accept that it’s not always in your capacity to push us through these ordeals and all you can do is support.

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