Girlfriend 101: Basketball Support

Most of us women are in a relationship with men having some affinity with sports. A large percentile of men do like watching or playing sports. So there's a large possibility that one day, you'll want (or be forced) to watch his game. It doesn't necessarily need to be the NBA play-offs but maybe one of his weeknight habits. Not all women share the interest men have in basketball, so here is a little guide of things to do to show your man some love and affection.

1. Watch his game intently (It doesn't matter if you're bored. Follow the freakin' ball! Think of it as your worst subject and if you pay attention to it, you get rewarded.)



2. Take note of his moves so you can comment him about it (Always remember to do the praise before the criticism such as Nice Pass, Nice Shot or Nice Jump. Maybe you need to work on your cardio so you can last longer/ You should practice doing _____, I bet you'll beat them easily if you do so.), You don't have to learn the complex jargon of the sport. You can describe the specific action you wanted to comment about or gesture it to him.



3. Notice how his team mates and the other players in the game move. If you see a cool looking action, remember it and tell him later about it. (As I've said all you need is an attention span and some patience.)



4. Try to sit near the referee or where the referee is in hearing range so you can track their scores and the fouls they make.



5. Don't be too concerned of the complex words they're using, save your energy to focus on the game.



6. If it's a weeknight game, expect to hear hollers and screams. So try to listen carefully whether they had said a compliment or an insult so you can relate to the group.



7. Don't be shy to ask him questions regarding the sport, it will further arm you with information next time and he'll even think it's sweet.



8. Clap your hands when you see people watching/playing the game clapping. (OPTIONAL)



9. Don't criticize his playing even if he's the worst player in the team. There is always room for improvement. And improvement is hastened with support.





10. Lastly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, be genuine. It is true that we are not interested in the game itself but we are in the person. Don't pretend you enjoyed the game, enjoy it for the person.

We don't have to give men roses or sweep them off their feet with romantic candle-lit dinners (unless you cooked the meal). Most men have single-tracked thoughts regarding their ideal mate: "You make me happy. I stay with you, love you, and provide for you."

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Thank You

Thank you for making leaving me hurt.

Thank you for not listening.

Thank you for not feeling.

Thank you for not knowing something's wrong.

Thank you for making me realize I'm weak for relying on you.

Thank you for making me feel I'm stupid for trusting you.

Thank you for making me trust for believing you'd never hurt me this way anymore.

Thank you for making me feel purposeless for living my life not having you by my side.

Thank you for hurting me like I've never felt before.

Thank you for making me feel more of a failure than I used to.

Thank you for making me depend too much that I no longer feel I could stand on my own.

Thank you for never knowing...

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Why Ask When You Can't Take the Truth

Dear You,

Tonight, you asked me to talked about how I feel. And trusting you'd listen openly, I did.

Should I have known that you couldn't take or accept the fact, I shouldn't have told you at all.

I'm tired of telling people of half truths regarding my feelings. I just thought that you'd be that person who'd understand.

But, not much to my surprise, you're just like everybody else. You will never understand it because you feel I should be happy having you as my purpose.

The fact is, I can't accept the truth either. I was hoping someone would help me get through it.

You asking me what I felt, and running away from our conversation which hasn't ended, makes me even more miserable.

I just realized that even you, the person I love and trust most, cannot accept who I am and cannot accept the truth.

I should've just kept it on my own. It took alot of effort for me to tell you.

Now it hurts even more, that I don't have you by my side to comfort me.

I'm sorry if I hurt you for telling the truth. Now I just feel like an opened faucet without someone to close it.

Throbbing Head from Crying,

Me

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I Tried to Reach Out

Dear M,

I tried to reach out but I feel as if I'm still walking towards an endless road of despair and frustration. When will it end?

I try my best to talk to you... but you never listen. Why is that?

I try to lower my voice... but even a louder one doesn't make a difference.

I try listening to you first and talking next, but you always run away.

I try talking first and listening second, but you cut through my words and select the ones you want to hear.

I try crying my heart out but that never affects you.

I try understanding what you are going through and explain it the way you would but that's always used against me.

I try saying the hurtful truth but that just gets as nowhere.

I try understanding why you always say you're a bad person, ending up thinking if you just say that to shut me up because it never changes between us.

I try to improve for the better just to realize that finances don't even make a difference.

I'm confused and now I feel like losing hope. I don't want to run away. But what happens when you are the one running from it... how long shall you be calling me a bully for following after you.

I know I come on strong... but I also know that if I will leave this as it is... our relationship will never be the one I wanted for us.

How hard it is.... to fight for what you believe... and not run away....

I don't want to give up... I'm still trying to reach out.

Depressed and Irritated,

Me

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Muted and Hurting

Dear You,

It's been a long time since I cried as much as I did. I feel sick and tired of the things we fight about. Sometimes, I keep wondering if I should be more strict in our relationship regarding the things that I am annoyed of with you. Because now, it's like I'm the one at fault because of getting mad for something I feel is the best way to deal with a certain situation.

You've told me you're giving me a second chance to correct my wrongdoings and my quirks. But can't you see my frustrations with you as well? Can't you see that every time I let small errors pass, I strip myself of the personality that built me into the strong person I used to be? Are my efforts not considered as sacrifices of my individuality?

It's too painful and I want to fight my point 'til the end. But what's the use if you'll never listen anyway? What's the point in impressing my opinion when I know for a fact that you have filtered listening?

I always tell you I don't have a choice anymore but to forgive you because it's been done. After all, the things I get mad at are just minor details of the life we will have ahead of us. How much more can I take? Am I doing a downward spiral to feeling choice-less and powerless once again? Will I reach the point of shutting up even when my heart is being wrenched inside? Will I no longer feel any passion to what I firmly believe because I love you? Is it even considered love? Or a single-sided relationship?

My eyes hurt.... and my body has switched from raged to numb.... no fire in my eyes nor anger in my voice... I am now your wingless bird.

Too Battered To Fight,

Me

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Sadness and Guilt

Dear M,

Why do you never listen to me?

Why do you lie to a lot of people including me?

Why do you filter what you listen to when we talk?

Why do you use my words against me?

Why is it that you never try to understand my feelings?

Why do you walk away when we talk?

Why do you never try to consider our feelings?

Why do you expect people to respect you when I, who is close to you, feel betrayed and manipulated whenever you talk to me?

Why do I not say anything when I catch you lying most of the times?

Why do I feel guilty and sad when we fight?

Why do I feel that I've done myself and the world wrong for expressing my feelings to you?

Why can't I help but get mad at you sometimes when you try to avoid our conversations?

Why can't I stop making my voice louder when I feel that all my patience and restraints are being disregarded?

Why do I feel like I'm always at fault even when I did my best to make you listen to me?

Why do I feel depressed after you walk out on me?

Why can't I help myself in saying truthfully hurtful things whenever you leave me in the middle of the conversation?

Why did I grow up like this?

Why can't I even answer most of these questions?

Your Close Kin,

Me

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Avoidance

Dearest Conveniently Coward Person,

Why can you never acknowledge me? Why is it so hard to listen to me? Is it too much for me to ask you to face me whenever we have a conversation? Are you too scared to think of the things I said? Is it too much for you to face me whenever I need you to talk to me?

I know I'm a handful to listen to, but I feel like no one whenever you avoid interacting with me-showing it in your tone, your boredom and obvious sarcasm. Do I not deserve to be listened to when I try to prove a point?

Why is it whenever you say that all will be fine and I criticize you seeing it isn't, you withdraw away? Why can't you just truthfully listen and accept it rather than give me a dry sorry or leave or deafly ignore the issue, expecting later all will be fine?

Thank you for making me feel powerless and helpless in our relationship. I feel that no matter what I do, nothing will ever change. I've always told you that in life, we just don't have choices anymore and you've always promised me that I will have a choice... I guess what you said was just pure bullshit and our relationship is one of those things I don't have a say in anymore.

You'll still be a coward when it comes to confrontations and avoid it by pretending to sleep, or be bored or deaf. You've always told me that you'd rather us face each other when we talk but I guess those were just crappy lines.

You always asked me to give you the benefit of the doubt that you will never change, but once again, I'm disappointingly right. You've changed...

Sad and Disappointed,

Me

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Another Day of Ignorance

Ever Frustrating You,

I just don't understand why you refuse to do a simple task that you normally do on a regular basis. Are you mad at me for waking you up early in the morning? Is it my supposed fault that we have both agreed on a specific hour of waking up? Is 10 a.m. freaking too early for you!

I no longer get mad even when you stay up late because I expect you to follow our end of the bargain. Is it not enough to expect you to be awake by 10 a.m.? Why do I feel that I even have to sound submissive when I ask you to wake up by 11 a.m. or 12 p.m.? Didn't we agree on the specific time already?

Last night, you frustrated me so much that I immediately went to bed and fall asleep because of you driving me crazy. I was freaking sick, for crying out loud. I had a very bad tummy ache and because of your ignorance, I got hypertensive. How hard is it for me to ask something such as "please check this once in awhile or it will fail" and you not checking it at all?

Do I not have the right to be furious at you? Should sorry be enough when every time you make mistakes you say that word and do those mistakes all over again?

And to top it off, you're the one who got all stingy in the morning. You intended to ignore me and when I didn't stop, you just fled like a coward cow. I wasn't even ranting and raving, I was more sheepish and 'lamby'.

Drop-dead Angry,

Me

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How Expensive Your Listening Time Is

Dear You,

Once again, you promised me to come back early but arrived two hours later. What is it with men and time? I thought women were generally the weaker ones on punctuality issues. This is one of the things I hate about you- whenever you say "I will be here by 10" and you arrive by 12, you still assume saying sorry would be enough. Am I such a control freak that my being mad isn't justifiable?

This is always happening nowadays, you giving me promises you couldn't keep. To top it off, you never listen when I get mad. Even worse, you ignore my feelings and anger hoping it will subside the next day. Just because your happy, doesn't mean your happiness will rub on me.

I always can't help getting furious about this aspect of you. Now, I just feel that I don't have a choice anymore but to ignore it and feel hurt because if we fight, all hell breaks loose and we both know that it doesn't change a thing.

These mistakes will always happen again because you will never consider minor details important.

Frustrated One,

Me

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My First Letter- Helpless

Dear You,

Today, I couldn't help but write how I feel knowing whatever I said will never reach you. I always try my best to be happy and calm whenever we talk because I know you can never deal with my anger. But sometimes, we fight and I can't take so much. You always tell me that I try to control your life but in fact, you never listen to me. You promise me things but never do it at all.

Sometimes I always wonder whatever happened to that person I used to be with, but I know through experience, that people do change. Reason why I feel so stupid and naive, assuming you'd be different from the rest. You've always told me that I should give you a chance to prove I'm wrong about my assumptions. I was stupid enough to let my guard down and give myself hope that I may have met someone who would change my beliefs.

Tonight, like all sad nights, I've felt helpless once again- like a sad person who couldn't cry; like a mute bird who couldn't chirp; like a dog who couldn't bark; like a journalist who couldn't write.

I cry day and night, hoping you'd feel my hurt. But you never do... you say sorry and I know you mean it. It's just most of the time, it feels too late. It feels that I've swallowed my pride a thousand times and not get anything in return.

I feel weak. Maybe my present occupation is driving me insane but do i deserve this feeling of weakness... powerlessness... helplessness.... sadness....

It's just too much. I feel like an animal trapped in a cage, screaming on top of my lungs for help and yet no one will ever come...

But still I pray, one day, you will look at me and the feel the depth of my pain....before I sink to the blackness of my dark memories.

Your Grieving Partner,

Me

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My Guy....

While we were going to work (my work, my boyfriend just brings me to work and stays there for the duration of my duty), we were discussing about the perils of me not being independent enough to support my own whims. My sisters have been ganging up on me-unconsciously- about finding a better paying job because I may end up someday regretting not taking advantage of my youth in grabbing employment opportunities.

I had to post something... Once again, most of the pictures and videos I posted in my blog are not mine so credits goes to the owner or maker of this one.

But as I've said, I have to sacrifice one for the other. It's either I get a high paying highly competitive stressful corporate job or I do away with the large salary and tempting incentives for the freedom that I currently have. I chose the latter.

Back to our primary topic. Since I told him that my brother-in-law used to spend all his month's salary in calling my sister everyday when they were far from each other (since cellular phones weren't invented yet), he asked me if I were asked by my sisters about him, what qualities would I tell them that would make him stand out.

My guy... this is something you should ask yourself too. What does your guy do that makes him so special?

My guy...

• Takes care of me when I'm sick, literally. He takes the day off 'til I get better.

• Brings me food when he knows I'm in a bad mood.
• Buys me Twix... I LOVE TWIX
• Bears with my annoyances like when I used one tune for more than 5 sets of lyrics.

Not my video, it took me like an hour to search for the exact tune that repeated itself in my head. This is from Clannad After Story. Beneath this is the video clip where I got the song.

This tune annoyed him so much. Eventually he succumbs to the power of Dango and started humming it too.

• Bought me a bouquet of roses and a venti cup of mochaccino frappé because he thought I was extremely mad at him for making me wait for more than an hour. I went out of the office building and there I saw him waiting in the corner with his gifts.
• Plays Tales of Pirates with me (MMORPG)
• Allows me to spend our money on my character in Tales of Pirates.
• Takes care of my character in Tales of Pirates before his.

Note: I am not encouraging you to spend money on online games because it is not something you could invest on. However, on our end, this is my only past time which is why I decided to allot a very small amount of my salary to buy mall items.

• Cooks delicious spaghetti!
• Is PATIENT with me
• Is understanding
• LOVES ME SO MUCH
• Does his best to comfort me during my depression even when he knows his attempts are futile.

This is how depression feels.

• Supports me in the stories I write. He even pitches his ideas to make it better.
• Is OPTIMISTIC
• Still thinks I'm sexy even when I've grown some pounds.
• Shares great conversations with me.
• Takes me to movies I like.
• Is nice and respectful to my mom even when she pisses him off.
• Bought me a laptop because he knows I can't live without one ^_^
• Always thinks I'm charming and cute.

He probably pictures me looking like this in his mind.

• Has that loving look.
• Is so smart!!!
• Is confident. He seldom becomes insecure or jealous. He knows I love him... ^_^
• Has never dictated my actions. He understands that I know my boundaries.
• Does not see my Ex as a threat. They talk as if they're friends.
• Had the ring he gave me engraved with our unconventional motto.
• Is God-Fearing.
• Helps me in doing laundry.
• Does house chores whenever he's at my home (cleaning my room, doing my bed, washing the dishes, buying containers filled with 5 gallons of mineral water for household consumption and more).
• Deals with my being a perfectionist.

During occurences of male non-responsiveness, you know what to do... Just don't go for the kill.

Wow! and that's not half of it. Of course, he has his flaws too. But why bother thinking about them when his flaws are compensated by his attributes. Yes, we DO fight but the happiness I have experienced with him all this years outweighs all the petty arguments and misunderstandings we encounter everyday.

I'M GONNA MARRY MY GUY SOMEDAY. (*^_^*)

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Signs of Deception

Yep, I'm not sure if this was caused by poor translation or manga artists have dinasorial (Sorry for my newly coined term. The word racial seemed so inappropriate.) discrimination against dinosaurs.

I was reading an article I came across in Yahoo from hitchedmag.com titled Dating 101: How to Tell if Your Guy is Lying and this was a PRIZE WINNER. Please take note that all credits go to the real author of the article Nicole Jurick. I just loved the way she summarized these signs.

The Signs of Deception

These signals should throw up a red flag:

Listen for:

• Stalling for time: "Can we talk about this later?" or repeating the question.

• Defensiveness: "I don't have to answer that."

• Excuses: "I would never do that." Or, "I would never jeopardize our relationship."

• Searching for specifics: "What's your point?" Or, "What are you trying to figure out?"

• What ifs: "What if I said yes?"

• Amnesia: "Not that I can remember." Or, "To the best of my knowledge..."

• Details: Truthful men tell you the truth and answer your question, not tell you the whole story behind the truth. Deceptive men load up their response with more details than are necessary to answer your question.

• Guilt twists: "Do you really think I would do that?" Or, "I thought you trusted me."

• Sounds: Clearing his throat, coughing, voice change

• Qualifiers: "To be perfectly honest..." Or, "To tell you the truth..."

Look for:

• Fidgeting: Leg movements, shifting, tapping his fingers

• Gesturing: Such as rubbing or wringing hands

• Adjusting: Messing with his watch, glasses, or jewel

• Biting or inspecting his nails

• Abnormal eye contact

• Cleaning up his surroundings: Particularly when he's not usually a cleaner

• Wiping sweat
  

Here's the link for the article

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24472/dating-101-how-to-tell-if-your-guy-is-lying

For the record, this is based according to general observations. Be wary of those who have studied the ways of expert lying. There are others who are born with the "lying gene" or those who we call "compulsive liars". The best advise I can give you is, know your partner. As Nicole had said in her article, make a mental picture of what is his/her "WHAT IS NORMAL" characteristic.

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The Pros and Cons of being with a Silent Guy

Courtesy of Google Search. I take no credit for the images in this blogged. Just placed them to make it look prettier (*^_^*)

I had a big fight with my boyfriend last week regarding money matters. Yes, money matters. It is expected that once you have a psuedo-joint account then serious financial conflicts begin to surface.

So anyway, this epic fight of which I won the battle but lost the war started when I realized that he never told me the tiny detail that due to his schedule change, his salary had reduced to 60% of its original amount.

Why is this a big deal? Not because we would have less than our usual earnings but because he didn't tell me earlier. If he had informed me this little detail even at the moment I had asked him if everything would still be okay, I would've been aware of our current monthly budget. Hence, the occurrence of the almost deficit of our bank account.

As a standard, I prefer silent guys but here are the problems with these types:

PRO 1: UN-chatty guys prefer to listen to their partners talk. So, if you're talkative or have ADHD, you've struck oil.

CON 1: The silence sometimes kills. Especially if you prefer a partner who is highly "reactive"- as if not responding is a form of saying "I wasn't listening."

Not literally speaking...

PRO 2: Silence means "yes"!!! If you wish to debate about whether to buy something you really love with his money or both yours and his, he'll definitely give-in even without the reinforcement of the puppy face pout or the seductively persuasive smile.

CON 2: Silence may also mean: You already know my answer and I have no plans of changing my decision.

PRO 3: He's considerate enough not to tell you his burdens because he knows you also have problems of your own.

CON 3: He's inconsiderate- not enough to hurt you directly but just enough to feel pissed due to his none responsive attitude whenever you try to discuss the topic. They are usually unaware that disclosing from you "some minor detail" would bring about frustrations on your side.

And the finale!

Hope I didn't bore you that much.

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The Nene Effect (Sister Effect)

There are different kinds of unexplainable phenomena in this world of ours. Some are more scientific than others such as the domino effect, the tyndall effect, and the butterfly effect. All of these affecting us in some minute way or another.

Little did I know, that I shall be affected too in such an extraordinarily enormous way. It changed my life's perspective in every aspect possible. It made me more responsible and more independent than I used to be. Now, I'm no longer just some intelligent person trying to make a statement of my individuality. I am now able to take care of myself and my loved ones without asking anything in return. I have become a disciple and avid follower of the.... NENE EFFECT!

The Nene effect takes place when you live with a NENE. A nene is a normal person who has a strong sense of balance and direction in both his or her daily routines and overall life outlook. This person is usually the characterized as the middle one: a middle brother or a middle sister. They are the ones who take care of both the proud eldest or elders and the spoiled youngest or siblings. They are wise and understanding. Each imparting thought they give should be treasured as it contains the secrets of happy life.

But take heed to this warning, do not mess with the NENE. Their words are piercing daggers that when blurted will immediately send you guilt ridden for a long time...

If you feel you have something missing in your life, most likely you lack the NENE EFFECT. Go now, and find a Nene for yourself.

Note: Nene is one of the nicknames given to a sister in a typical Filipino family- like Toto, Inday, Tata, Nining and the likes.

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I Love You but Goodbye…. For Now

Today, it’ll hurt like hell
I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep
It’ll eat through me like a disease
And no drug can make me feel at ease

I don’t think you understand
This predicament I have in hand
This life, I’ve tried to escape from
For you, I didn’t hesitate to come back to

I’ll cry at night because I can’t sleep
I’ll cry at night because I hurt too deep
But my grief, I swear, shall be short-lived
Because like my dependence, it will cease

I used to be cold, now I’m warm
I used to be a rock, but now I’m soft
You made me feel so complete
All our issues, we were able to single-handedly defeat

But now the harshness of life sets its toll
To survive, I’m once again required to be cold
See you someday, once all is well
To everything sweet, we have to say farewell

How much will a mute heart bear?
Once ice sets in, it will no longer beat
No love nor care nor tenderness for now
Not until we say our vows

Goodbye for now, my only love
It will no longer be like how it used to be
I’ll have to be strong until the end
So myself, without you, I can defend

I wrote this when I was a little depressed because of my current situation with my boyfriend.

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Betrayal: Which of the two scenarios would hurt more...

I've been thinking of what to add to my blog today. And this is one of those things I tend to ask myself.

Example, you're a married person. And you've been married for 8 years or longer. You and your husband (or wife) are all lovey-dovey for the first couple of years. However since passion does not tend to linger that long and responsibilities with the kids became a full time position, you eventually stop having time for each other. Although you still do family things together, it wasn't like it used to be...

You've noticed that he/she has grown a little distant from you (Definitely, one of the signs of a failing marriage.) . Getting home late from work, keeping her/his phone away from your prying eyes (saying that you should respect each other's privacy) and staying away from your loving hugs and embraces combined with subtle excuses such as "I'M really tired/ busy/ stressed." or "NOT feeling good/ in the mood/ into it right now" (Highlight the best answer from the choices). - those lines are 90% infidelity implications!!!

To cut to the chase, you felt something was going on and decided to INVESTIGATE what was currently keeping your spouse busy- discovering that he/she was having an affair for a couple of months already.

Now my question is, which would hurt more:

a) He/ She having an affair with a friend of yours (perhaps a family friend/ a relative of yours/ your best friend or worst a sister/brother) or;

b) He/She having an affair with a person he/she met in a bar or strip club that grew into a relationship of constant communication, tender affection and blazing passion.

A typical answer would be, DEFINITELY A- a classic case of betrayal. Why wouldn't your heart be broken upon knowing you were betrayed by two people who you loved and trusted? It's even more painful if the person you talked to about your problems and marriage failures was the one your partner had an affair with.

On the contrary (in a sick and twisted sense), B is a pride crusher. What dignity is left to learn of your spouse's desperation for temporary earthly satisfactions given by someone he/she used to compensate (need not be monetary at all. It could be a house, a deal, a promise of security, financial /personal aid or the poor man's bribe- I'm willing to leave my family to be with you.)?

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A Day (DATE!!!) Gone Bad

So here's the thing... I'm currently an unemployed stay-at-home person because I resigned from my previous job. I must've been crazy to resign from such a good company. But that's how my life goes.

Since I don't work, I just stay at home and WALLOW- trying to figure out my next move. I see my boyfriend less than twice a week and there are even times that we don't see each other at all. Last Sunday, we had planned for him to visit me at home so that we could spend time together. But today, he called me saying that he was arriving late since he had an oral defense. I said it was okay (It was ever so obvious that this was more important.). But of course, I had already worn my usual "let's date" outfit. (I don't think he figured that out.)

Anyway, I was really hoping that we could talk or go out. When he arrived though, he was quite tired and to add to his fatigue, I talked to him about something he had no interest on. The gentleman that he is, he tried to listen with a little zest but to no success. He called it "Information Overload".

I try to share his affinites but I end up talking about the past things I did with my ex (OUCH!). I even showed him an essay which was supposedly to kept from him. But he said that talking about the things I write is more interesting. (APPARENTLY NOT!)

To cut things short, he got so tired that I knew it was time to throw in the towels. Stress has defeated the girlfriend's charm. So I told him to go sleep on the couch (AND HE DID). But I really wished (SO HARD!) that he would stay awake since we only had a limited period of time together (BUT HE DIDN'T). I got really mad and sad at the same time. And before he left, I told him how I felt.

My point is I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I was immature or if I had done the right thing. All I know is I should've expressed how much I miss him more (AND THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT!). What should've I felt?

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