Another Day of Ignorance

Ever Frustrating You,

I just don't understand why you refuse to do a simple task that you normally do on a regular basis. Are you mad at me for waking you up early in the morning? Is it my supposed fault that we have both agreed on a specific hour of waking up? Is 10 a.m. freaking too early for you!

I no longer get mad even when you stay up late because I expect you to follow our end of the bargain. Is it not enough to expect you to be awake by 10 a.m.? Why do I feel that I even have to sound submissive when I ask you to wake up by 11 a.m. or 12 p.m.? Didn't we agree on the specific time already?

Last night, you frustrated me so much that I immediately went to bed and fall asleep because of you driving me crazy. I was freaking sick, for crying out loud. I had a very bad tummy ache and because of your ignorance, I got hypertensive. How hard is it for me to ask something such as "please check this once in awhile or it will fail" and you not checking it at all?

Do I not have the right to be furious at you? Should sorry be enough when every time you make mistakes you say that word and do those mistakes all over again?

And to top it off, you're the one who got all stingy in the morning. You intended to ignore me and when I didn't stop, you just fled like a coward cow. I wasn't even ranting and raving, I was more sheepish and 'lamby'.

Drop-dead Angry,

Me

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How Expensive Your Listening Time Is

Dear You,

Once again, you promised me to come back early but arrived two hours later. What is it with men and time? I thought women were generally the weaker ones on punctuality issues. This is one of the things I hate about you- whenever you say "I will be here by 10" and you arrive by 12, you still assume saying sorry would be enough. Am I such a control freak that my being mad isn't justifiable?

This is always happening nowadays, you giving me promises you couldn't keep. To top it off, you never listen when I get mad. Even worse, you ignore my feelings and anger hoping it will subside the next day. Just because your happy, doesn't mean your happiness will rub on me.

I always can't help getting furious about this aspect of you. Now, I just feel that I don't have a choice anymore but to ignore it and feel hurt because if we fight, all hell breaks loose and we both know that it doesn't change a thing.

These mistakes will always happen again because you will never consider minor details important.

Frustrated One,

Me

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My First Letter- Helpless

Dear You,

Today, I couldn't help but write how I feel knowing whatever I said will never reach you. I always try my best to be happy and calm whenever we talk because I know you can never deal with my anger. But sometimes, we fight and I can't take so much. You always tell me that I try to control your life but in fact, you never listen to me. You promise me things but never do it at all.

Sometimes I always wonder whatever happened to that person I used to be with, but I know through experience, that people do change. Reason why I feel so stupid and naive, assuming you'd be different from the rest. You've always told me that I should give you a chance to prove I'm wrong about my assumptions. I was stupid enough to let my guard down and give myself hope that I may have met someone who would change my beliefs.

Tonight, like all sad nights, I've felt helpless once again- like a sad person who couldn't cry; like a mute bird who couldn't chirp; like a dog who couldn't bark; like a journalist who couldn't write.

I cry day and night, hoping you'd feel my hurt. But you never do... you say sorry and I know you mean it. It's just most of the time, it feels too late. It feels that I've swallowed my pride a thousand times and not get anything in return.

I feel weak. Maybe my present occupation is driving me insane but do i deserve this feeling of weakness... powerlessness... helplessness.... sadness....

It's just too much. I feel like an animal trapped in a cage, screaming on top of my lungs for help and yet no one will ever come...

But still I pray, one day, you will look at me and the feel the depth of my pain....before I sink to the blackness of my dark memories.

Your Grieving Partner,

Me

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Kurikinton Fox, I Like

This morning I woke up in a really bad mood. And I did scream, rant in my room and throw away some stuff that we're all a clutter because someone made my morning bad. To lessen my destructive forces from lashing out all over the house, I took a broom and a dustpan and swept my entire floor which hasn't been cleaned for ages. But even with that cleaning, I was still angry.

When I am angry, one thing that'd make me calm down is music. Not the smooth sailing ones, the hiphop-ish or even the all-cussing ones, just loud music. So what I did was click on the the playlist I have stored in my computer of Guitar Hero 3 songs like Through the Fire and Flames, Paint It Black, Prayer of the Refugee,Radio song, Black Sunshine, etc.

While listening to the songs I normally play every time I need to be distracted, I remembered how I loved listening to Kurikinton Fox's God Knows. So if you're a fan of Haruhi Suzumiya's God Knows, you should definitely listen to this.

He's an awesome guitar player, and if you like listening to guitar covers, you'll definitely be a fan of this guy. He usually plays game background & anime music. If it's fast and from a game console or from an anime, expect him to have played it.

Even his album Foxy Code, sounded more like BGMs from games like Megaman. I bet his playing was highly influenced by such.

With all his skills, you'd think he'd show his face to the world. But what's funny and more intriguing about this guy is he prefers keeping himself behind a fox mask.

Here's the most famous description you'd usually read about him:

Kurikinton Fox is a Japanese guitar player known for always performing in a mask, this mask is handmade and one of a kind, but they're easy to make. Often his performances are composed of multiple guitars, all of which are played by himself in a time-shifted multi-track recording. (I omitted the part regarding the website.)

In closing, I'd like to share this link for those die hard anime/ guitar player fans who love to listen to Kurikinton Fox's playing.

God Knows

http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/1/1/2247590/God%20knows%20by%20Kurikinton%20Fox.mp3

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The Feeling Down Syndrome

Today, I woke up feeling sad and not able to cheer myself up even with the gloomy cool weather outside my window. And for those who instantly concluded, "Well, it's probably because of the gloomy atmosphere", I love gloomy weathers. They make me feel happy. I love the rain as well as the darkness it spreads to envelope a place.

It's not because of the message from of one of those all time classics "Singin' in the Rain" (as supposed to being mashed-up with Umbrella in Glee)...

video owned by GleeOnFox

but because, when it rains, the world feels alone. And that's how I normally feel everyday. Yes, there are people who concern themselves with my welfare. And I have loved ones who genuinely love me. Unfortunately, no matter how much I think of those people who care for me, there are just these days... that I feel....

(www.drawinghowto.com)

Even Spongebob has one of those days.

It used to be that doing certain activities that I love like playing video games, watching marathons or even just plainly suppressing it helps. Eating ice cream, pizza (with lots of cheese), pasta, and chocolates also does the job.

I had plans in posting a high-definition image of a devoured McDonald's meal but that'd be fastfood racism, LOL.

(http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/811983/what-is-binge-eating-disorder)

But we know that's a bad habit and both fortunately and unfortunately for me, binging no longer works...

Never came to a point that I got to look like this.(http://atwistedblog.wordpress.com/)

Anyway, posting this blog, actually made me feel better. Talking about your feelings, even when nobody's listening or reading, is free. You don't have to pay a psychiatrist and for me I just get my wanted results. For those who have read this article, I do hope I have temporarily entertained you. For those who do not understand the feeling, I hope I have shone some light on it. Lastly, for those people saying that life is a series of simple actions and decisions, and that depression can be controlled easily if you have strong will...keep that to yourself (a kinder way of saying that you can shove it up your ass).

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My Guy....

While we were going to work (my work, my boyfriend just brings me to work and stays there for the duration of my duty), we were discussing about the perils of me not being independent enough to support my own whims. My sisters have been ganging up on me-unconsciously- about finding a better paying job because I may end up someday regretting not taking advantage of my youth in grabbing employment opportunities.

I had to post something... Once again, most of the pictures and videos I posted in my blog are not mine so credits goes to the owner or maker of this one.

But as I've said, I have to sacrifice one for the other. It's either I get a high paying highly competitive stressful corporate job or I do away with the large salary and tempting incentives for the freedom that I currently have. I chose the latter.

Back to our primary topic. Since I told him that my brother-in-law used to spend all his month's salary in calling my sister everyday when they were far from each other (since cellular phones weren't invented yet), he asked me if I were asked by my sisters about him, what qualities would I tell them that would make him stand out.

My guy... this is something you should ask yourself too. What does your guy do that makes him so special?

My guy...

• Takes care of me when I'm sick, literally. He takes the day off 'til I get better.

• Brings me food when he knows I'm in a bad mood.
• Buys me Twix... I LOVE TWIX
• Bears with my annoyances like when I used one tune for more than 5 sets of lyrics.

Not my video, it took me like an hour to search for the exact tune that repeated itself in my head. This is from Clannad After Story. Beneath this is the video clip where I got the song.

This tune annoyed him so much. Eventually he succumbs to the power of Dango and started humming it too.

• Bought me a bouquet of roses and a venti cup of mochaccino frappé because he thought I was extremely mad at him for making me wait for more than an hour. I went out of the office building and there I saw him waiting in the corner with his gifts.
• Plays Tales of Pirates with me (MMORPG)
• Allows me to spend our money on my character in Tales of Pirates.
• Takes care of my character in Tales of Pirates before his.

Note: I am not encouraging you to spend money on online games because it is not something you could invest on. However, on our end, this is my only past time which is why I decided to allot a very small amount of my salary to buy mall items.

• Cooks delicious spaghetti!
• Is PATIENT with me
• Is understanding
• LOVES ME SO MUCH
• Does his best to comfort me during my depression even when he knows his attempts are futile.

This is how depression feels.

• Supports me in the stories I write. He even pitches his ideas to make it better.
• Is OPTIMISTIC
• Still thinks I'm sexy even when I've grown some pounds.
• Shares great conversations with me.
• Takes me to movies I like.
• Is nice and respectful to my mom even when she pisses him off.
• Bought me a laptop because he knows I can't live without one ^_^
• Always thinks I'm charming and cute.

He probably pictures me looking like this in his mind.

• Has that loving look.
• Is so smart!!!
• Is confident. He seldom becomes insecure or jealous. He knows I love him... ^_^
• Has never dictated my actions. He understands that I know my boundaries.
• Does not see my Ex as a threat. They talk as if they're friends.
• Had the ring he gave me engraved with our unconventional motto.
• Is God-Fearing.
• Helps me in doing laundry.
• Does house chores whenever he's at my home (cleaning my room, doing my bed, washing the dishes, buying containers filled with 5 gallons of mineral water for household consumption and more).
• Deals with my being a perfectionist.

During occurences of male non-responsiveness, you know what to do... Just don't go for the kill.

Wow! and that's not half of it. Of course, he has his flaws too. But why bother thinking about them when his flaws are compensated by his attributes. Yes, we DO fight but the happiness I have experienced with him all this years outweighs all the petty arguments and misunderstandings we encounter everyday.

I'M GONNA MARRY MY GUY SOMEDAY. (*^_^*)

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