Thursday, March 31, 2011

Another Day of Ignorance

Ever Frustrating You,

I just don't understand why you refuse to do a simple task that you normally do on a regular basis. Are you mad at me for waking you up early in the morning? Is it my supposed fault that we have both agreed on a specific hour of waking up? Is 10 a.m. freaking too early for you!

I no longer get mad even when you stay up late because I expect you to follow our end of the bargain. Is it not enough to expect you to be awake by 10 a.m.? Why do I feel that I even have to sound submissive when I ask you to wake up by 11 a.m. or 12 p.m.? Didn't we agree on the specific time already?

Last night, you frustrated me so much that I immediately went to bed and fall asleep because of you driving me crazy. I was freaking sick, for crying out loud. I had a very bad tummy ache and because of your ignorance, I got hypertensive. How hard is it for me to ask something such as "please check this once in awhile or it will fail" and you not checking it at all?

Do I not have the right to be furious at you? Should sorry be enough when every time you make mistakes you say that word and do those mistakes all over again?

And to top it off, you're the one who got all stingy in the morning. You intended to ignore me and when I didn't stop, you just fled like a coward cow. I wasn't even ranting and raving, I was more sheepish and 'lamby'.

Drop-dead Angry,

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

How Expensive Your Listening Time Is

Dear You,

Once again, you promised me to come back early but arrived two hours later. What is it with men and time? I thought women were generally the weaker ones on punctuality issues. This is one of the things I hate about you- whenever you say "I will be here by 10" and you arrive by 12, you still assume saying sorry would be enough. Am I such a control freak that my being mad isn't justifiable?

This is always happening nowadays, you giving me promises you couldn't keep. To top it off, you never listen when I get mad. Even worse, you ignore my feelings and anger hoping it will subside the next day. Just because your happy, doesn't mean your happiness will rub on me.

I always can't help getting furious about this aspect of you. Now, I just feel that I don't have a choice anymore but to ignore it and feel hurt because if we fight, all hell breaks loose and we both know that it doesn't change a thing.

These mistakes will always happen again because you will never consider minor details important.

Frustrated One,
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Thursday, March 17, 2011

My First Letter- Helpless

Dear You,

Today, I couldn't help but write how I feel knowing whatever I said will never reach you. I always try my best to be happy and calm whenever we talk because I know you can never deal with my anger. But sometimes, we fight and I can't take so much. You always tell me that I try to control your life but in fact, you never listen to me. You promise me things but never do it at all.

Sometimes I always wonder whatever happened to that person I used to be with, but I know through experience, that people do change. Reason why I feel so stupid and naive, assuming you'd be different from the rest. You've always told me that I should give you a chance to prove I'm wrong about my assumptions. I was stupid enough to let my guard down and give myself hope that I may have met someone who would change my beliefs.

Tonight, like all sad nights, I've felt helpless once again- like a sad person who couldn't cry; like a mute bird who couldn't chirp; like a dog who couldn't bark; like a journalist who couldn't write.

I cry day and night, hoping you'd feel my hurt. But you never do... you say sorry and I know you mean it. It's just most of the time, it feels too late. It feels that I've swallowed my pride a thousand times and not get anything in return.

I feel weak. Maybe my present occupation is driving me insane but do i deserve this feeling of weakness... powerlessness... helplessness.... sadness....

It's just too much. I feel like an animal trapped in a cage, screaming on top of my lungs for help and yet no one will ever come...

But still I pray, one day, you will look at me and the feel the depth of my pain....before I sink to the blackness of my dark memories.

Your Grieving Partner,
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